


Roadside Rooting

by FoolsgoldFenrir



Series: Mad Jarate [2]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Blow Jobs With Teeth, Come Eating, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Facials, Golden shower, Hand & Finger Kink, Hand Jobs, Hotdogging, Kissing, Licking, Loud Sex, M/M, Making Out, Really just saying daddy once, Rimming, Scout wins at life, Sniper's voice is fucking hot, Snowballing, Speeding Bullet (Team Fortress 2), Surprisingly Chatty Sniper, Switching, Tongue Bath, Tooth Kink, Urophagia, Voice Kink, Voyeurism, Watersports, Way more dialogue than usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:26:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27107926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoolsgoldFenrir/pseuds/FoolsgoldFenrir
Summary: After losing his virginity to the RED Sniper up in his shack right in the middle of a battle, RED Scout finds himself wanting more and visits Sniper in his van late at night for Round 2. They learn even more things about each other while Sniper shows the Boston boy the ropes. Sequel to Lemonade On The Rocks.
Relationships: BLU Sniper/RED Scout, Scout/Sniper (Team Fortress 2)
Series: Mad Jarate [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978612
Comments: 22
Kudos: 29





	Roadside Rooting

**Author's Note:**

> I hadn't originally planned on making a sequel to my first TF2 fic, but someone said it would be cool if there was one and I said I might do it. And then months later, I ended up doing it because y'know what, it really would be cool. Especially since people seem to really like it, so I figured why not? I definitely had a lot of fun with this one, and there's no way I wouldn't take the opportunity to create more piss content. There really isn't enough watersports in a fandom where one of the main characters throws piss at people and another uses it to create a non-milk substance. This game is wild, lemme tell you.

They say that trying to suppress a thought will only make it stronger. RED Scout didn't really believe that, since he was used to his thoughts going a mile a minute. He wasn't much of a thinker, not a deep ponderer anyway. Rapid-fire thoughts and improvisation, doing whatever his instincts would tell him, though? Now that was what he was good at, it was perfect for his mercenary job. Until today, that is. Despite everyday being strange one way or another, today was unlike any other day at Teufort for Scout. It started like any other day, but that all changed the moment Sniper caught him in his shack.

What was he doing there, you ask? Well, he was there for one thing and one thing only - one of the jarate jars, which Sniper had plenty of laying around. So he wouldn't miss just one, right? That was true, until he was caught red-handed, and then the question of  _ why  _ he was taking it came up. And it all went downhill from there.

Except… it really didn't. If anything, that was the best he ever felt, every part of it. Even with being cornered into admitting the reason behind seeking out the jarate stash, and the frustration that came with that… what was it that damn crocodile humper had called it? A chastity cage, right. He just wanted to get off and go, but  _ noooo,  _ Sniper just wouldn't let him go that easily. And thinking about it now, Scout was glad he hadn't. He had discovered a new kink thanks to that. That encounter was an opportunity for a lot of new experiences.

Going back into battle was easy enough after the initial encounter. His job was pretty straightforward, all he had to do was rush in, harass the enemy and shoot or whack them in the face. Really just make sure those pesky BLU-quitoes stayed off of the cart. Which he'd been successful at, especially when he threw the freshly filled and still warm bottle of mad milk at an entire crowd of them which ultimately won the REDs the round.

After that was a different story. After the battle, he prepared to shower with the rest of the mercs sans Pyro, Sniper, and Spy. Although Sniper soon made a return thanks to Medic tightly gripping him by the back of his neck with one hand and keeping his arms pinned behind him with the other, practically throwing him into the locker room.

"I know zhat you keep saying you'll shower later at night, but how can I believe you vhen I don't see any evidence of zhat?" Medic tutted as he dusted his hands before removing the gloves that covered them. "Mein gott, vas your shack 300 degrees today?! Even for a hot day zhat amount of sweating ist  _ not normal." _

It was true, and Scout can tell. He knew that he was probably partially responsible for all of that sweating thanks to all that  _ buggery  _ as the Aussie had called it. That's when things really went downhill. He couldn't keep his eyes off of Sniper as he begrudgingly undressed and made his way into a cubicle. He was gleaming with sweat, especially on his face and his thighs, while noticeably trying his best to hide his ass.

_ "Probably so nobody knows he took a break from fighting to take it up there."  _ Scout figured, and found himself getting red at the thought as his mind brought back that memory while trying not to sport a boner in the locker room in front of his whole team. By then the weight of that realization hit him - he'd just fucked a guy up the ass. And also got fucked up the ass by one beforehand.

A rare moment of deep thought, pardon the pun, was interrupted by Soldier whipping him smack in the middle of his back with a wet towel, making him jump with a startled yelp.

"What're you staring at? The showers are no place for wandering eyes!" The war enthusiast barked. Immediately afterwards, he went back to gazing at Demoman across from him with a grin.

"I wasn't- Solly,  _ you're  _ the one with wandering eyes." Scout called him out on his obvious hypocrisy. Not waiting for a reply or a denial, which Soldier did start attempting to spit out, he got into a stall before he could be punted across the room like a football. He was surprised that the exchange hadn't caused a ruckus that would lead to everyone accusing everyone of staring at each other the way a typical argument between them escalated. It did warrant raised eyebrows from Engineer and Heavy, though.

It didn't end there, far from it. For once, Scout kept focused on one single thing. Maybe not exactly one thing, more like one event, but still. It was all the same throughout the rest of the day. In his room, he tried to distract himself with his comics and he couldn't help but think that the outfit the scantily-clad evil queen wore would look better on either Sniper, or himself while presenting to the former. Outside, he tried to distract himself by practicing his swing and instead found himself imagining the way Sniper swung his hips while plowing into him from behind. At dinner, he tried to distract himself by making his food extra salty but then  _ goddammit why is Sniper here he never eats in the mess hall he's always in his stupid van- OH GOD IS HE SPRINKLING SALT INTO LEMONADE WHAT KIND OF MONSTER-  _ another look, and it was just his imagination. Sniper never ate in the mess hall (unless it was for an early breakfast but he always finished up and left before Scout even woke up), and he wasn't this time either. And he probably didn't sprinkle salt into lemonade, not the literal kind anyway.

_ "Wait… his stupid van. He'd probably be there if I visited him right now."  _ Scout thought while back in his room and laying on his bed. It never was all that comfortable, definitely not as comfortable as the one at home, but now it felt unbearable. His mind swirled as he considered the possibility of not being told to piss off. He probably would be, that was probably just a one-time thing due to sexual tension. But hey, who knows? He wouldn’t know if he didn’t try his luck.

Late at night, Scout took advantage of his teammates’ occupation with the drinking party they were having in celebration for winning the battle and left the base. Scout wasn’t much of a drinker, not for alcohol anyway. He tried it once on his 21st birthday and was not a fan of the taste, nor was he a fan of how much he’d embarrassed himself while intoxicated after continuing to drink despite not liking it. Apparently he admitted quite a few things that night, but his mother and brothers refused to tell him what exactly. And admittedly, he didn’t really want to know what he said or did either. He walked to where he knew Sniper parked his van, which he didn’t visit often but knew the landscape well enough to know where he was going. Scout much preferred running to his destinations, but he knew that he’d need to conserve all the energy he could for once he got there, on the off chance that Sniper would let him in.

What he remained unaware of was that Spy, who had been drinking far less than his companions were, had been trailing behind him the entire time. The rogue remained cloaked most of the time, only decloaking to charge it back up while hiding behind a rock or a tree during that time. Scout suddenly leaving caught his suspicion since even though he didn’t drink, Scout usually still stuck around to chat up the much more drunk mercenaries and take part in any games they would play. Except for Charades, they didn’t play Charades anymore after Scout and Soldier pissed off Medic with too many  _ scheisse _ jokes directed at him during one drinking party, and both of them nearly got sent through respawn. Their saving grace was that friendly fire was off and prevented death, though it didn't prevent pain.

Spy still remembered what he had witnessed up in the shack, and still didn’t want the bushman around Scout, but maybe that was just a one time thing. This certainly made the gears in his head turn, however, and his job had turned him into quite the nosy person. And so once Scout got to the van, confirming Spy’s suspicions on why he was leaving, he cloaked himself and settled near the side of the vehicle near a tree where he could hide to recharge his cloak if need be.

Scout knocked on the door and twiddled his fingers as he heard the sound of footsteps. The door creaked open and there the marksman was, looking tired and clearly not in the mood for any visitors.  _ “Oh dear god he’s not wearing a shirt and he’s all sweaty and he’s got scars and I think I kinda like that holy shit-”  _ His mind raced, eyes widening just as Sniper’s did upon seeing him. The ball-capped boy had his eyes fixed on the small patch of chest hair square in the middle. He was no bear in terms of hariness, but it wasn’t like he’d ever been waxed before either.

He managed to calm himself down and cleared his throat. Putting on a honey-sweet tone and putting his clasped hands behind his back, he tried to look as charming as he could despite knowing it probably came off as anything but. “Hey there,  _ Snipes~”  _ Scout purred. He was starting to really like saying that nickname, drawing it out intentionally.

Sniper continued to stare at him for a couple of pregnant moments, forgetting to even breathe. He then crossed his arms and sighed deeply. “Scout, what in Old Nick’s rotted right toe are ye doin’ here?”

Scout raised an eyebrow at the expression before straightening his back and moving his still-clasped hands to his front. “Can I, err, can I come in?” He bit his lip and averted his gaze, instead staring at the elevated step at the front of the camper van’s doorway. Sniper’s body blocked the view from inside with the way he was standing. “I’ve… been thinking-”

“Oh, is that so? What a novel experience that must’a been.” Sniper chuckled.

“Oh shut your trap. I’ve been thinking about what…” After the ‘what’ his words got mangled together and the mumbling got too quiet to properly make out.

“Sorry, wot was that? Didn’t quite catch what you were sayin’.”

“I said, I’ve been thinking about what happened up in your shack while everyone was fighting.”

Silence filled the air once again as Sniper studied Scout’s blushing face. As soon as he had said that, the assassin knew full well where this was going. Truth be told, he wouldn’t be opposed to what he knew Scout was going to ask. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do at this hour, hell it would probably even help him sleep afterwards. It wasn’t like Scout wasn’t attractive or anything either, he was both cute and handsome at the same time in his own right, the buck teeth and emphasized cheeks adding to that. And no matter how annoying his bragging was, he did have a tendency to live up to those claims. Well, when they were about athletic ability anyway.

It had been far too long since Sniper last got dicked down, or got to do any dicking down for that matter. The last time for either of those before today had been before he came to work for RED, and these days his hand, toys, and humping a pillow were starting to not be enough. Especially after the incident in the shack that Scout had mentioned. Plus, since they were at the van which was parked away from the base while everyone else was busy, it wasn’t like they would get walked in on, and he could just pull down the shades but he doubted he’d need to.

“Oi take it you’re here for another rootin’, hrm? Ye got yer first taste an’ now ye want another.”

“Y-yeah, that’s exactly it. So uhm, normally I’d be here with like, a gift or somethin’, probably a bucket of chicken to really sell it. We were out though, so I’m sorry ‘bout dat.”

“You… were goin’ to try to seduce- no, bribe me with a bucket of chicken?” Sniper asked, only half-surprised. “It was for the better that ye didn’t, I’d probably get sent through respawn from laughin’ too hard.” Although Scout’s abilities in seduction could easily be measured in the negatives, he did have a certain charisma to him that Sniper found charming all on its own. For one thing, he was a funny guy, as evidenced by what he just said (though at this point he knew he was probably being serious).

“Aww c’mon, what’s not romantic about bringin’ food? Like, eatin’ some cock before suckin’ some cock, y’know?”

Sniper couldn’t help but laugh, and stepped aside. “Alright alright, enough of ‘at now. Just come in before ye make me wake up th’ whole base wit me laughin’.”

Scout was pleasantly surprised when he stepped inside the camper van. He’d expected it to be messy with clothes, beer bottles, piss jars and cheap porn magazines strewn about. The way Spy liked to make fun of Sniper for living in a van and went on about it, as well as the expectations one might have of someone that had a mobile home hadn’t given him high hopes. Instead, it was rather neat, although the carpet could perhaps use a cleaning. There was a kitchen with a rack of drying dishes, a comfy-looking mattress big enough for at least two people in front of a TV and… a baby crocodile? He’d expected a kangaroo, truth be told, but it was nevertheless still cute. He kind of felt bad about calling him a crocodile humper now, and promised himself that he would apologize later. Books were neatly kept on a shelf and seemed to be organized by type - hunting and weapon books on the top shelf, animal books on the shelf below that, then fantasy and folklore-type stuff, and on the bottom shelf were two locked boxes. Probably porn, Scout figured. There was also a small wardrobe with his hat on top and labeled drawers, including work clothes, town clothes, socks & boxers, and one that lacked a label and was locked.

Pretty much just the bare necessities, aside from a few decoration items on one of the bookless shelves like figurines of various Australian wildlife including a crocodile, a dingo, a koala, an owl, and a kangaroo. There was also a framed photograph of an old couple, probably his parents, sitting on a nightstand next to his ‘#1 Sniper’ coffee cup and a little lamp.

“Yo, ya got a nice place here dude.” Scout said truthfully. “Definitely betta den da rooms we’ve got back at da base.”

“Heh, it might not look like much but it’s home. Also, don’t touch Snaggletooth, she doesn’t loik strangers.” Sniper moved towards the mattress and picked the croc up gently before moving her to a cat bed a few feet away. The crocodile kept napping, just barely stirring to curl up.

“She?” Scout asked and clambered onto the bed after taking his shoes and socks off. He then took the rest of his clothes off and left them in a pile near the foot of the mattress until he was left with just the dog tags dangling from his neck and a pair of baseball-themed boxers.

“Yeah, she. Got ‘er when oi was completin’ one ‘o me contracts back when I was still in the bush. Probably knew oi had food to spare an’ followed me back to the van when the job was done, and things were real lonely without a pet around. So I took ‘er in and ended up bringing her here.” Sniper replied and joined Scout while doing the same.

Scout gulped, gaze zeroing in on the Australian’s endowment, which was still impressive in size and girth despite not even being hard.  _ “Not yet.”  _ He thought, and pulled his boxers down to match his state of undress and moved to lay next to the latter’s side while still staring. He hadn't even known that he liked his men slightly hairy until now, and was starting to appreciate the added bonus of dark and wiry pubic hair sitting above the root. He hadn't seen it back in the shack since it was too dark, but he'd definitely felt it, and wanted so badly to stick his face in it again.

_ "Good god, with thoughts like these I'm surprised I still like girls too."  _ Scout blushed, the thought much too scandalizing for his liking. He shivered despite it being hot in the van and the hot situation he found himself in. Sometimes he wondered if there were people out there that could secretly read minds, which made him feel self-conscious about his own mind, wondering just how much others around him knew. Especially Spy, he always had that  _ look  _ to him, and it never failed to intimidate the boy.

“This ain't the first time you've seen me in the buff, and yet yer starin' like it's the first time you've ever seen a dick." Sniper remarked, caught in a similar trance as he took in the sight of Scout's own nude form. It wasn't his first time seeing him nude either, though it wasn't a common sight either.

"It's just that yer so… freakin'  _ big,  _ dere's just no way around that! I know they can get big but just god _ damn…"  _ The Bostinian's breath hitched in his throat and a loose hand hazardly reached out towards the gunman's length, but he didn't dare touch it until given the go-ahead. Unlike last time, he was trying to be on his best behavior to not fuck anything up. "And yet yer not even hard ye- oh wait, nevermind, yeah, you're kinda hard." His eyes widened again as he noticed it starting to swell up halfway and get even bigger, and so did his own cock.

Sniper was not entirely sure what to do with that compliment. He was always confident enough to know that he didn't lack in the size department, but he'd never really been outright told that he was big, especially not 'so freakin' big' as Scout had put it. Then again, maybe he was just too used to hooking up with hulking beefcakes back in the bush and getting outclassed. Except for that one guy that turned out to be compensating for something, though he had gone along with it regardless. Scout was acting so different now too, and he wasn't entirely sure what to do about that either.

A pulse of electric arousal sparked through Sniper, aware of how dangerously close Scout's hand was to touching him. "So are you." He pointed out. "Oi 'unno if 'kinda' is the roight word t' use. An’ I see wot ye wanna do, go ahead."

Scout nodded fervently and closed his hand around Sniper’s erection, able to feel the heat and blood pumping through it even through his hand wrappings. “Should I take these things off?” He asked, pointing at the wrappings with his free hand.

“No need, they’re soft enough.” Came Sniper’s reply, followed by a quiet grunt when he felt Scout’s hand start to pump him.

It was slow at first, but quickly picked up speed and intensified the pleasure that the pressure brought. He leaned on his side, back facing the wall and front facing outwards. He gripped the sheets with one hand and picked himself up on an elbow, holding his head up with the hand above. Fitting Sniper’s more animalistic nature, the casual pose was not unlike that of a lion lounging in the shade. Even his eyes reflected the same kind of spirit as that of a fearsome yet calm beast, at least for now.

Scout had to lay down on his side as well to reach now, though he was able to push Sniper’s top knee to spread his legs further, allowing for more room to work with. The hand that gripped the sheets moved to grip Scout’s cock to return the favor, going with the same method of starting slow before picking up the pace to a similar speed. It was almost like a 69 position but with handjobs rather than blowjobs. The rifleman found himself smiling at the sounds he managed to tease out of the runner, and the runner found himself fixated on that smile. Particularly those teeth, all pointy and sharp, gleaming in what little light the TV screen provided, making them appear more of a pearly white than their usual coffee-stained shade.

He couldn't take his eyes off of that lustful smile, and ended up getting distracted from the current task  _ at hand.  _ The smile disappeared and Sniper was about to ask what the hold-up was, but that was enough to clear away the fog in Scout’s mind to get back to the handjob. The wrappings and the tips of his fingers had been sticky with pre for a while now and some of it had started to dry, but the constant oozing made sure his hand wasn’t dry for long. It helped him speed up even more thanks to the extra lubrication.

Scout was just barely aware that he had been thrusting into the calloused hand around himself, whining and groaning all the while. His mind was too absorbed in the pleasure of it all, and with bringing Sniper to release. That wasn’t happening yet, but just as he was about to lean closer, his own climax abruptly hit him. He released right into the hand, giving several hard pumps with long pauses in between. When he was done, he tried leaning in again and got a few cursory licks in before getting caught by surprise and ending up with egg on his face. 

He flinched from the sudden splatters of cum, hot and sticky and running all over his cheeks, chin, lips, forehead, and even one on his nose. Instead of letting go he only squeezed tighter. Not tight enough to be painful, but tight enough to earn a growl and even more cum to add to the facial. Both of them pulled away from each other, panting and falling back.

“Heh, thanks for that easy target,  _ wanker.”  _ Sniper giggled with the same smile Scout had been staring at earlier.  _ “That’s a good look for him.”  _ He thought, taking in the sight of Scout’s red and white face, jaw slack and buck teeth exposed.

“Oh my god this is not the time for puns, it’s in my  _ eye!”  _ Scout complained, too busy screwing both eyes shut and shielding his face with his hands to notice the smile.

Sniper pulled his hands away with a clean hand. He rolled his thumb over the single strand that was higher above his left cheek than the others and popped it into his mouth, sucking the fluid from it. “It was under your eyelid, Scout. Don’t worry, nothing’s in your eye.”

“Oh.” Scout said, cautiously opening his eyes again. He was glad to find that his vision was not blurry nor did his eyes sting. They hadn’t before, he’d just gotten a little panicked. He saw Sniper bringing his dirtied hand near his face and quickly grabbed at the wrist, bringing it down towards his own face. “No, let me.”

“All yours.” Sniper opened his palm, letting a few rivlets dribble between his fingers. The feeling of Scout’s tongue lapping at his palm and between his fingers, catching the rivlets, tickled him.

“I’ve always wanted ta do dis, ya know. I’ve… got a thing fer hands, ‘specially when they’re big ‘n rough. Like yours.” Scout said between laps, before moving on to suck his fingers. His buck teeth lightly grazed the skin under them, bringing back that tickling feeling. “Sometimes I’d take a bottle ‘a mad milk, pour some on one ‘a mah hands, lick it up, and pretend it’s someone else’s hand. Or someone else’s mad milk. Or both.” He looked up expectantly for a response, only to notice that Sniper was laying back with his eyes closed.

Sniper was jostled awake and quickly sat up, making a move to grab the kukri under his pillow but stopped himself short.  _ “Oh, just the wanker.”  _ He thought. “Wot’s the matter wit ye, the fuck wossat for?” He grumbled and wiped the cleaned up but now wet hand on the sheets.

“I didn’t come all da way out here just ta give ya a handy, wake up!” Scout huffed and stopped licking his own seed from the other man’s hand. He settled back down, sitting across on his knees.

“Oi was just restin’ me eyes…”

“You can rest yer eyes later. But right now, can we uhh, maybe… do the piss thing again?” Scout asked, nervously smiling and pressing his index fingers together. “But instead of… instead of i-in my mouth, just completely all ovah me dis time. Except my face, I don’t want anythin’ on my face. My mouth’s fine though.” His cheeks burned even redder and hotter, wishing he didn’t have to verbalize such an embarrassing request, especially the specifics, but knowing he had to for anything to happen.

“You’ve been hooked on jarate ever since ye got t’ sample it straight from the source, huh? What a dirty, perverted lil’ mongrel ye are.”

“Y-yeh, but- oh shut up, you’re just as into it as I am. Actually no, you’re probably way more into it than I am. At least I don’t weaponize it!” Scout crossed his arms and blew a raspberry, trying to mask his self-consciousness from getting called out like that.

“Says the one that weaponizes his own cum. C’mon now, yer not innocent on that front.”

Scout pouted and blew another raspberry. “Just piss on me already, help me get warmed up.”

“But it’s already hot in the van-”

_ “JUST PISS ON ME!”  _ Scout snapped, cutting him off. “Ya know full well what I mean by ‘getting warmed up!’”

Sniper hesitated for another moment, not really feeling like changing the sheets. Then again, he’d have to change them anyway. Piss was definitely something he couldn’t just let sit there forever, but neither was cum, and sweat also starts to smell the small space up after a while of nothing being done about it. It also wouldn’t be his first time sleeping in a puddle of his own piss after a kinky night. He resolved to just pop into the laundromat first thing in the morning. He often woke up before anyone else did anyway, even before Soldier who apparently woke everybody else up at the crack of dawn with a trombone, according to everyone else’s complaining. Yet another good reason to stay in his van. For some reason Scout had also been up early today. And he’d used that time to clown on him over his use of jarate,  _ oh the irony. _

“Fine then, piss boy, oi’m just messin’ wit ye.” Sniper got up onto his knees and crawled towards Scout, fixing their positions so that he was now near the foot of the bed while Scout was near the pillow. “Lay down on yer back, I can’t stand up on the bed. Ceiling’s too low.” He smirked as he watched Scout obey the order without a word, resting his head on the pillow and propping his legs up, knees bent.

Meanwhile, Spy, who still remained undetected near the window, turned around and grimaced. The last thing he wanted to see was someone getting pissed on, especially not by a man he couldn’t possibly have more vitriol for, and  _ especially  _ not onto his own son. He’d seen and done many things in his life, but the Frenchman was not about that… well, not  _ shit  _ per say.

Sniper would’ve preferred to have been standing, it would have been much easier. The thing was, that would have required him to get up off the bed, and keeping Scout on the bed would have made it awkward. Having your toilet tower over you would be awkward for anyone, after all. And Scout was quite a sight when laying down and eagerly showing himself off, smiling cheekily while knowing what was going to happen. Fuck, he’d have to get on with it already if he didn’t want to make it difficult with how hard he was getting. If he had known how much of a freak the kinkster hailing from Boston was before today, why, he’d have invited him to the camper van himself, maybe over a beer and a jar of piss.

Not keen on wasting any more time, Sniper started hosing Scout all over, while making sure to avoid his face like he’d been asked to. Sure it would have made the picture more perfect, but he was polite. He was efficient too, and made sure to drench every other area he could. Those jarate pills may have given him kidneys that were triple the size in addition to the bladder of a horse (which Saxton Hale failed to mention to him at first), but it wasn’t a bottomless supply. It was a miracle that they allowed him to piss any time he wanted to without even needing to go in the first place, it made spontaneous pissplay so much easier to get into. As efficient as he was, though, he couldn’t resist keeping a steady stream on Scout’s pulsing cock.

_ “Oh fuck this is so much better.”  _ Scout mewled, arching his back so he could bask in its intoxicating… well,  _ everything  _ was intoxicating about it. The thick pungent odor that reminded him of buttered popcorn, the sight of it leaving the swollen head hovering above and splashing onto his sweltering body, the near-scalding hotness that matched the searing heat in his loins, and he hoped to soon taste what he knew would be salty and bitter at the same time. Not a bad combination in his mind. “Dis, all dis, is  _ so much betta  _ den dat stupid drinking party back at deh base. Honestly, who needs beer when ya’ve got piss?”

Scout could’ve sworn he heard Sniper outright  _ purr  _ out of relief. And the way he smiled gently, only letting the top row of teeth to peek out while his canines made for a nice decoration on oddly kissable lips. He’d never wanted to kiss a man more than he did now, but he was too caught up in the comfortingly warm feeling and smell of fresh urine washing over himself. It almost felt just like an actual shower, but between the two, he’d pick a golden one any day. He hummed with half-lidded eyes, a small part of his mind wondering if this guaranteed him a spot in Hell and the majority of it believing it did while having zero shits to give. In the haze of pleasure, he forgot that he didn’t like getting his face wet.

“Oh god, holy shit Snipes,  _ please oh god on my face do it on my freakin’ face already…”  _ He moaned breathily, raising his head up to make the anticipated downpour easier to handle.

“Oi thought ye didn’t want me t’ dirty up yer pretty lil’ face.” Sniper murmured, secretly amused and not so secretly aroused by the change in heart.

_ “And I fuckin’ liiiied, c’mon man I don’t give a rat’s ass what I said, I’m fuckin’ thirsty!”  _ Scout whined quietly, barely a whisper as he laid there desperately clutching the sheets and writhing in ecstasy in the puddle under his back, thighs, and ass.

“When aren’t you thirsty?” Sniper asked rhetorically before obliging, having to stop himself from jerking off right then and there. “Wot a proper, _bloody_ _gorgeous_ sight ye are… ‘tis a shame oi won’t be able to take a picture an’ keep it forever.” He growled in that rough outback baritone that had Scout’s knees quaking. Back in the bush, having such a deep voice made people call Sniper a bogan, but right now in his van, in Scout’s opinion, his voice was liquid sex. Especially when combined with a more literal take on the term _‘liquid sex.’_

And for some reason, Scout really wished they could take a picture. That would be complicated given their positions though, and what if someone else came across it? Oh well, at least they would both have the memory of it, a picture in their mind’s eye. He let his tongue loll out of his open mouth in an obvious nonverbal request. Luckily, Sniper was aware of the message it was meant to deliver to him, and he didn’t mind using the last of his piss for it. He chewed on his bottom lip and gazed at the boy underneath with darkened grey-blue eyes filled with lust. Every obscenely loud gulp (fitting for such a loudmouth) the runner took, greedy and frenzied in an effort to make room for his next fill. Some spilled over his chin and dribbled down his neck, though it didn’t look much different from the rest of his wet face and body.

Even with how much longer the act had gone on for than it would have had Scout sought out anyone other than Sniper, the supply had dried up all too soon. It ending  _ at all _ was too soon, honestly. He felt completely soaked, seeping through the skin right down to his bones, to his very soul, in liquid gold. And truth be told, the Bostinian couldn’t remember the last time he felt this amazing. Sure, pouring jarate on himself in the shower when nobody was around was great, but having it right from the source was so much better. The jars paled in comparison, really. Wallowing in his unapologetic hedonism like this, knowing anybody else would have called the two of them degenerates, especially him but unable to find it within himself to care, he was winning at life.

Signing up for this mercenary program for a five year contract in Fuckall, Nowhere turned out to be  _ so  _ worth it, and worth all of those sad, lonely nights where all he had for company was himself and Rosie Palms. It was his turn to sigh in relief now that he could lay still and embrace the intimacy of it all. He loved a good ol’ round of erotic humiliation as much as many other people that shared such a kink, but it was also a huge ego boost to be called gorgeous in spite of, or rather because of the large damp spot where he lay and the way his wet skin shone in the small amount of light provided, feeling like one of those jars himself.

Just as Scout was about to take advantage of the major ego boost, he was pinned to the mattress, Sniper’s body on top of his own in the blink of an eye. That lanky appearance of the latter’s was not something people would typically picture when thinking of grace. And yet with the speed and gracefulness of a leaping leopard, he’d closed the distance between the two of them and for once managed to catch Scout off-guard with momentum, making him flinch.

"Ye got a lil' somethin' on yer face, an' everywhere else too." He pointed out, grinning down at him like a dingo that just caught itself a fine meal.

"Yea no shit Sherlock, we both got eyes."

"Oi remember when ye helped clean me up a bit back in the shack. Mind if I return the favor? A lil' bit differently though."

Scout definitely remembered that too. That whole incident was his first time for a lot of things. Whatever it was he was planning, Scout wasn't entirely sure but he liked the sound of it. "Sure, I guess."

By the time Spy was confident enough that they were done with their pissplay and turned around, he was met with an even more shocking sight. Apparently the filthy bushman's idea of cleaning the little gremlin up was with a tongue bath all over his dirty body. He spent a particular amount of time lapping at his face, reminding Spy of a hound. Fitting, he thought. He scowled but no matter how much he wanted to, he didn’t turn back around.

Scout flinched and gasped, staying completely still as he let Sniper work. He took quick, short breaths which stilled every time his tongue ran over or near his lips, or traced the shell of his ear, or could feel the scrape of his stubble. The warmth from before had cooled rapidly, but puffs of hot breath brought it back while the mixture of dried cum and cooled down piss was cleaned off of his face.

He thought mercy would be taken on him when Sniper finally finished up with his face, but a nip to his neck showed that he wouldn't be getting any. An initially sharp yelp thinned out into a soft whine, a desperate plea, when the nipped part of his neck was then suckled on. It was gentle, like the way his face had been cleaned off, enough pressure to turn into a hickey but not hard enough for it to be an obvious one. It wasn't uncommon for Scout to end up with random bruises that nobody, not even he, could remember how they ended up there, so he could just blame it on that if anyone asked. Sniper did the same thing in a couple more spots on his neck, sucking the piss out and replacing it with saliva in the process.

The speedster wouldn’t have ever known just how many erogenous zones he had if it weren’t for Sniper exposing them all with just his tongue and teeth. It wasn’t the same electrifying pulse he’d felt earlier when they’d taken turns buggering each other, but rather a teasing and spine-tingling feeling that made him wonder if this was why people made such a big deal about sex and exploring each other’s bodies. Whatever this was, it was so much better than just a simple pump-and-dump most people made it out to be like. It was this way that he’d learned that he didn’t need to be a lady to like having his nipples sucked and rubbed, that although he usually hated being tickled it wasn’t all that bad on his stomach (and he wouldn’t have previously thought that Sniper of all people could ever look cute but right there he really did), and that even- no, especially his back being licked and nipped at would reduce him to quiet whimpers and moans while melting into the mattress.

Sniper spent a particularly long amount of time on Scout’s legs as well, even caressing them at the same time while before he’d only held onto his hips. It was so damn teasing to the latter, to have him right there giving his thighs so much attention and trailing light kisses along the skin that connected leg and pelvis together, yet purposefully avoiding any genital contact. When he flipped him over, the bushman couldn’t resist licking along the inside of his crack. The way Scout shivered and wriggled around each time he did so made him want to continue, but he had a job to do. He managed to control himself after about a minute of rimming, at most allowing the tip of his tongue to probe the center of his hole but not digging inside. He knew that once that happened, he wouldn’t be able to stop and go back to finish what he started, so he reluctantly pulled away and flipped him back over.

It took a lot of Scout’s willpower to not lose control of himself and just mount him like the horndog he was. Sniper worked slowly, meticulously, not missing any important details as he explored. And that was both agony and paradise in Scout’s hormone-addled mind. On one hand, this wasn’t just Sniper familiarizing himself with Scout’s body, it was also him looking for all the different ways to make Scout tick and taking advantage of every new erogenous zone he managed to uncover. He spread his legs out to remind him that he’d missed a spot.

"Wait, before you begin," Scout held a hand with his palm raised, stopping Sniper just as he was about to finish the job. "Dis is  _ kiiiinda  _ an awkward thing ta ask, but… remember when you told me 'no teeth'?"

"Yeh, typically people don't loik th' idea o' things made for ripping an' tearing anywhere near sensitive flesh."

"True, but the thing is, oh how do I put this without it soundin' weird? Nevermind, it  _ is  _ weird. I like yer teeth, they look all sharp ‘n  _ dangerous,  _ I think yah gave me a tooth kink or somethin'. So could ya maybe use a  _ little  _ bit 'a teeth, like just the occasional light scrape or two? Please?"

Sniper cocked an eyebrow and raised a lip, revealing some of the teeth that apparently fascinated Scout. "Ain't everyday that oi hear yeh say 'please', but it also ain't everyday 'at a guy  _ wants  _ to feel like he's about t' get his dick bitten."

"I mean, CBT is a thing…"

"Cognitive behavioral therapy? Wot in the bloody 'ell has 'at got t' do wit any of this?" Sniper asked, remembering Medic talking about that during one of his lectures on psychology that he sometimes liked to give to the team whenever there was at least one person willing to listen. Usually that one person was Engie, sometimes Heavy or Spy if they happened to be around.

"Cock and ball torture." Scout corrected, then quickly jumped back to explain himself when Sniper sucked air though his clenched teeth and recoiled. "But that's not what I meant, not at all! Just… lightly let yer teeth touch when you're goin' down on me a couple times, not too often. Like don't bite down or anything like that, god no! I know that'll end up badly, I saw ya chew up deh BLU Sniper's hand like a garbage disposal one time!"

"Ey, he shoulda known betta than to try to take moi spot away." Sniper replied, remembering that fight quite well. "An' well, guess oi can do that. Sure don't recommend it, ye might get too panicky, but if that's wot ye really want, I'll use a little bit o' teeth."

"Hey, thanks pally!" Scout gave him an excited smile and sat up, leaning against the headboard and watching Sniper crawl up to follow him. "Now show me what ya g-  _ mmmgh..."  _ He groaned, stopped mid-sentence by a sudden wave of pleasure that was more intense than anything his hand could create.

Sniper had licked a long, wet stripe right across his crotch, starting from the taint, pressing against his balls, and gliding over his length. Scout's legs curled and raised, one kicking out with a twitch. The assassin gave two more licks before finally relenting from his torturous teasing. Warm, velvety heat enveloped the entirety of the five-and-a-half inches he had to offer. Clocking in at a certified average still proved to be quite a mouthful.

"Ey wait just a sec 'ere! You ragged on me fer goin' all in last time, and to be fair that wasn't a good idea on my part. But here  _ you  _ are, taking it all at once like a freakin' snake!" Scout threw a hand in the air in exasperation. "Which was impressive, but how come you can do it and I can't?!"

Sniper lifted his head and moved his mouth away, then gave the Scout the most deadpan  _ 'I'm so sick with your bullshit'  _ look he could muster. "Because yer new t' all this, but oi have a little bit more experience than you do. Plus, oi went slow an' steady as opposed to stabbin' meself in the throat loik you did in the shack."

"So what yer sayin' issat ya've taken enough dicks for yer throat ta just not care anymore, huh?" Scout snickered.

Sniper rolled his eyes. This was far from the first time the twitchy little hooligan made gay jokes and he never expected there to be a last time. Still, he was not about to let the sheer irony of the situation go unmentioned. "Listen, I don't think oi need to explain why you're not exactly in a good position t' be make fun o' me fer likin' blokes roight now."

Scout’s face flushed with indignance and he opened his mouth to object, but he decided against that and instead tried to get his nighttime roadie back on topic. “Fine, fine. Just get back ta suckin’ me off, aight? Yer killin’ me here!”

Sniper gave a low chuckle that made Scout bite his lip.  _ “God, even when he’s laughin’ at me he’s hot now. Where the hell has my life gone?”  _ The latter thought and moaned when that wonderfully wet and hot velvet returned.

Sniper waited to fall into a rhythm before letting him know that he hadn’t forgotten what was asked of him and gently, though a little bit reluctantly, let his front teeth touch the shaft. Scout made a sound that got stuck in his throat and came out as a croak, jerking his hips up sharply and throwing his head back as his heart raced twice as fast. Sniper mistook this as a sign of panic and stopped immediately, sitting up.

"See, and didn't oi tell ye that yeh'd end up panicking?" He scolded, hands at his hips.

"I wasn't panickin', I  _ live  _ fer tha thrill 'a dangah! It was good, got me all buzzed up, but then ya ruined it!" Scout argued back.

“Well excuse me for tryin’ t’ look out fer you! Even if we don’t get along that much, oi’ve still gotta make sure you’re still havin’ a good time. ‘S only fair.”

“Like I said, you were doin’ a good job at dat, but den ya got cold feet!”   
  
“Why do yeh think I was doin’ all that foreplay wit yeh? Coulda just stuck it in ‘fore throwin’ ye out, but oi’m not that type o’ person.”

“Speakin’ of which, when  _ are _ ya gonna stick it in? At this rate it’ll be lights out and the base’ll be locked down fer the night by the time I even start walkin’ back.”

Sniper hefted himself upwards, the idea of this becoming a simple pump ‘n dump no longer sounding half-bad now. “Can be roight now, but do you really wanna forfeit the rest of yer first blowie?”

That quieted the slugger up for a moment as he contemplated his choices. He then made a feeble attempt to push Sniper back and laid down again. “Nah, not really. But uh, even though it took me outta the zone, thanks fer lookin’ out for me… I guess.”

“All in a day’s work.” Sniper replied and laid on his front again, gripping Scout’s thighs and spreading his legs again. “So, I’ll bugger ye after this then?”

“Yea, that sounds about right. Now c’mon, I’m goin’ soft here.”

He was given a nod and that welcoming wet heat rolled over him again, nearly making his eyes roll back into his head from the sensation. He soon felt the same light scrape of teeth that he had requested and bucked up again, half expecting Sniper to stop again and was pleased to find that their little talk had been enough to prevent that. Sniper did hold his hips down with one of his hands to regulate his thrusting, however. Despite that, he still had enough mobility and control to feel the depths of Sniper’s warm, slimy throat.

“H-haah, holy shit yer throat’s so fuckin’  _ tight!”  _ Scout choked out, hands flying to take hold of Sniper’s temples and pull his head down. All he got in response was a short, muffled moan. He wondered whether everyone’s throat was this slimy, or if it had anything to do with that gruff voice of his. It was a good kind of slimy, acting as an all-natural lube.

Despite having tried to behave himself when he first got here, he had been finding it increasingly difficult to do so, and they hadn’t even gotten to the main event yet. Especially when it seemed as though the Aussie didn’t mind getting his face fucked one bit. He even moved his hand away and lifted Scout up by the buttocks, giving them a squeeze while bringing him in even deeper. He didn’t care if anybody heard his moans (and a particular someone outside definitely did, reacting with a scowl), nor did he care how weird the faces twisted in euphoria he knew he was pulling looked. Soon, he lost the will to keep actively fucking that throat, instead letting it, his companion’s tongue and his lips do the work. He lazily bounced one of his legs in the air, which turned into rapid, empty kicking when the light scraping of incisors over sensitive flesh returned.

Scout let himself unwind more and more with each passing second, balls tightening from the strain. He was close, and they could both tell. Sniper pulled the cock out of his throat and let just the tip rest on his tongue. Normally he’d rather have his throat used through and through, but midway through the blowjob, he’d gotten a rather kinky idea. One that he’d only done twice before but never as the one to initiate it. And to see it through, all he had to do was one finishing move to completely unwind Scout. For a speedrunner he sure had a lot of stamina in bed, it turned out. With all the tricks he knew, though, he still managed to keep up.

The Boston basher was about to lament the loss of that heavenly throat, but all thoughts of lament were gone the moment he felt pressure applied to his balls. Sniper had gripped them with one of those hairy, tacky and calloused hands, massaging in all the right places at the same time as he rolled them in his palm. And that was it for him, he couldn’t take it any longer. Arching his back and letting out a strangled cry of felicity, he emptied another load right into an equally eager mouth.

The assassin let the fresh seed sit on his tongue for a couple moments, catching his breath and letting Scout catch his. It wasn’t his favorite flavor by far, he personally preferred piss, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t like it. He crawled over and sat by Scout’s side, trying not to spill anything.

“So, is it time n-” Scout was cut off by the invasion of that cum-coated tongue. His eyes widened and he made a shocked sound, but he didn’t protest. Instead, his eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into Sniper’s chest, frenching him as they sat side by side. 

Of course, he had no experience whatsoever on how to kiss, let alone make out. And either Sniper wasn’t all that good at it either or he didn’t mind, but he hadn’t pointed out his lack of skill. It was sloppy and semen dribbled all over both of their lips and chins, but maybe it was meant to be like that. Even if it wasn’t, Scout realized that he’d been missing out on a lot in his life and seeked to remedy that by making the most out of this. He alternated between tongue wrestling and running his own tongue over Sniper’s teeth, reveling in the feeling of sharp points dragging across. Some time ago, he wouldn’t have thought it’d be possible for teeth to be a turn-on, but here he was now. The way Sniper growled into his mouth and sent vibrations across his lips made him want to faint right then and there, but instead he answered with his own growls.

_ “Holy shit… holy fuck…”  _ Scout breathed hazily, arms wrapped around Sniper’s neck.  _ “This is so fuckin’ good…” _

_ “Heh, nobody’s ever told me oi was good at kissin’.”  _ Sniper admitted just as hazily, lazily rubbing himself with one hand while holding Scout’s head up with the other.  _ “They always say these chompers o’ mine get in the way.”  _ He pulled back from the kiss for a moment to bare said chompers in a grin akin to that of a crocodile’s.

“Well, I think dat dey only make it better.” Scout replied. “And I want more, get back in there would ya?”

Sniper obliged, while also going back to jerking off at the same time. He was way too pent up at this point to stop, even if he wanted to. He also believed that it was proper etiquette to hold out a little bit during anal before finishing inside them, and he doubted he’d last long if he didn’t get this upcoming orgasm out of the way first. Different flavors mingled between the two of them as they, in the most romantic way one could put it, swapped spit. Those different flavors were the bitter yet sweet taste of Scout’s seed, the acrid saltiness of Sniper’s piss, a faint trace of Scout’s bubblegum and grape Bonk!, and the contrast of Sniper’s cigarettes and beer. And they all mingled together into one aphrodisiac that got Scout hard again and sent Sniper teetering over the edge.

They broke off the kiss by flopping onto the mattress on opposite ends, legs sprawled out. They panted heavily, sweating profusely especially with the heat trapped in the van. Even at night, it was hot out in the desert and it can be rather surprising how quickly two naked bodies could heat up. Although it wasn’t exactly quick, since they had lost track of time but after looking out of the window opposite of the one currently being observed, they could tell it was late enough for the base lights to be out. Scout frowned, knowing that trying to sneak back in would be a nightmare that consisted of bullets hitting him without actually killing him, and then the whole team would be woken up by his yelps of pain, and then he would have to explain what he was doing outside at this ungodly hour. And frankly, he really didn’t want that, and Sniper probably didn’t want that either.

“S… Snipes, the lights’re out. I think I’m gonna hafta stay here-  _ augh, did ya really just cum on me again?”  _ Scout complained, looking down and pointing at the liquidy off-white splatter on his stomach and running down towards his crotch, gaze then drifting towards the drops closer to Sniper’s own crotch. "Couldn't ya have waited 'til you were inside me instead?"

“Better oi geddit over wit now rather than cummin’ before you’re satisfied, yeah? And well, I s’ppose ye could stay. But oi’m wakin’ ye up t’ bring you back at the same time  _ I  _ wake up, which is early. Even earlier than ol’ Screamin’ Eagles does, and I heard that he wakes you guys up wit a trombone. Also, yer helpin’ me out with washin’ the sheets.”

“Fair enough. And that’d… probably work out even better, honestly.” Scout sat up and wiped the cum off with one of his hands, too worn out to do anything with it other than that. He figured Sniper wouldn’t mind, given the large piss stain that still had yet to dry. “Also, dat was just about de  _ gayest  _ thing I’ve ever done, just now! Fuckin’ hell…”

“Really now, a  _ kiss  _ is the gayest thing you’ve ever done, outta everythin’ else?” Sniper snarked and rolled his eyes. “S’not like it’s the first time you’ve tasted yerself.”

“S-shut up.” Scout grumbled in embarrassment, avoiding eye contact with the professional whose standards didn’t include refraining from poking fun at him. “It ain’t like I can lie ta myself anymore anyway…”

“Lie about wot?”

“About only likin’ girls. Shit man, I think this place turned me gay or somethin’.”

“You mean bicurious? Or I suppose bisexual now that you’ve somewhat sated yer curiosity, by the looks o’ things. Also it’s not loik ye just suddenly  _ become  _ that either, s’more like an awakening. An awakening implies that it was inherently there.”

“Whaddya mean  _ bike _ sexual? Never in my life have I evah thought ‘bout fuckin’ a bicycle!” Scout exclaimed. “Who even does that?! Dat’d probably hurt like a bitch!”   
  
“That’s not- look, some people go one way or the other, an’ that’s called straight or gay. Some people go neither way, an’ that’s called asexual. Some people go both ways, an’  _ that’s  _ called bisexual. Bi, not bike. And then there’s a whole lotta other things that oi’m not in th’ proper mood t’ explain. Listen, I ain’t no therapist and Medic could probably explain that better anyway, oi’d think anyway.”

“Huh… both ways?” The gears in Scout’s head began to turn, forming a pensive expression on his face that Sniper rarely ever saw. “Also I ain’t goin’ to tha doc fer a sex ed lesson, last time I had one was back when I was 14 and they told me I oughta be prepared to die when I asked what would happen if I had sex before getting married. I don’t need any ‘a dat fear mongerin’ bullcrap!”

“Well oi don’t do this often, but oi’ll let ye in on a lil’ secret, roo.” Sniper leaned closer to Scout’s ear and quietly said,  _ “If doc were to tell you that shaggin’ without bein' married was bad, then he would be quite the hypocrite.” _

Scout blushed as he processed that bit of information. “So the rumors about him ‘n the big guy are true?” Then he realized that the gunman had let that nickname slip out again. “Aww, ya called me ‘roo’ again. So yer secretly a softie deep down.” He teased.

“Maybe so, maybe not. But ye didn’t hear that from me, got it? I’m only tellin’ ye this ‘cos it seems loik ye could really use the reassurance, but oi’d rather not end up wit roach arms for moi troubles.” Sniper then grabbed ahold of Scout’s hips and hoisted him up before placing him back down so that he straddled his hips from above. “An’ oi ain’t no softie either.”

The smaller and much mouthier merc tittered as he gripped the other’s length. He was right, he sure was no softie, not on that front anyway.  _ “Maybe on the other, though.”  _ He thought to himself. “Oh, so we’re doin’ this now, eh tough guy? Good, things were gettin’ too sappy fer mah likin’ back dere.” He said while leaning back and rolling the pad of his thumb over the tip, pulling it away and letting the attached bead of pre form a strand with his pointer finger.

The larger and lankier merc let an amused rumble escape his lips, dinner plate sized hands kneading and massaging the boy’s pert ass. “Yeh, we’re doin’ this soon. Just wanna warm up first, an’ them cheeks look like they’ll do th’ trick.” He gave Scout a smoldering, hungry look, looking him right in the eyes as he wedged his erection between both cheeks.

Scout sat back up and made a confused sound, feeling the weight of a cock but with it just over his hole rather than inside it. "Uhh, dude, what're ya doin'? Didya miss the hole or somethin’?"

"Givin' you the reins. I figure you'd wanna be in control for a bit, oi practically saw stars in yer eyes the first time oi said ye could bugger me."

Sniper's cock twitched in anticipation, waiting for attention while its owner had to keep himself from just pulling him into a mating press and breeding him until both of their muscles ached. Hell, the only reason he held back from doing so was because he knew firsthand how bad of an idea throwing an inexperienced lad into that kind of intensity was. He couldn’t sit or walk right for almost twelve hours the day after he lost his virginity to a bloke (who looked suspiciously similar to Saxton Hale now that he thought about it) he met at a gay pub back in the bush, which sucked harder than he did that day. His 22nd birthday was a wild one, to say the least.

"Go on then, rub that pretty lil' butt o' yers against it. Like if you were sitting on it, except this is before that happens. Promise it will though."

“Oh…  _ oh!  _ I see whatcha mean now. Yer an odd one, dat’s fer sure. But I kinda like that, to be honest." He shifted his position a little bit so that his hands could press down onto Sniper's pelvis for purchase as he ground his ass up and down against his shaft, assuming that's what was asked of him. The little moan he heard indicated that he was doing something right, and so he continued. He could feel a light burn from the friction, though he knew it would be nothing like what was to come.

"Yeah, ya like dat huh? Yeah I betcha do, ya freakin' fairy!" Scout teased, well aware of the irony of his statement but not yet ready to completely drop the act.

"Says the one who’s about t’ take it all up the arse. Ain’t that the kind of guy that word’s usually used for?” The huntsman wore a self-satisfied smile as he watched the young man’s cocky demeanor falter. “An’ didn’t we jus’ ‘ave a wholesome little talk?”

He had to admit, as funny as it was to see Scout’s entire face go redder than a tomato while his buck teeth poked out while he sputtered, making him look like a cross between a rabbit and an angry cat, it was also kind of cute. For someone he thought wasn’t his type, the lad sure had a way of changing that, even if just for the night. While it wasn’t attributed to his “skills in seduction” (oh the irony of calling himself a ladies’ man, there sure was a lot about this kiddo that was ironic) of any sort, he still found himself impressed with how he managed to make this sudden visit an unregretted one so far.

“Oh blow it out yer ass.” Scout shot back.

“Yer into that sorta thing?” Sniper quirked an eyebrow nearly up to his hairline.

“Wh-  _ no!  _ It’s an expression, dumbass!”

“Alright alright, just keep goin’. Oi didn’t say stop yet, now did oi?”

“Jeez…” Scout huffed and went back to massaging the massive sausage between his buns. It made his heart pound to now be the one to get his partner to make all kinds of soft, desperate sounds with his face all scrunched up. He had been given the reins, even told that he was, and now he was going to make good use of that power.

After a little more hotdogging and listening to Sniper’s groans become more fraught, he stopped and turned around, noticing that the dick he’d been rubbing up against was leaking and twitching. “Heh, looks like if I didn’t stop when I did, you’da gone straight fer a home run without even battin’. All dis time out in da middle ‘a nowhere’s gotcha real pent up, hasn’t it?~”

“Yeh, it really has. Y’know wot, oi don’t think our brief encounter during work would’ve been enough t’ compensate fer months without any rootin’. So it’s a bloody good thing ye came around when you did.”

Spurred on by another ego boost, Scout lifted his hips and was about to go back down when he was stopped yet again.

“Wait wait wait, if ye can’t just go all in wit a blowie, wot makes ye think ye can just go all in like this? You’ll bleed t’ death from yer arse, an’ lemme tell you… it ain’t a noice way to go. ‘Ere, take this.” Sniper quickly handed him a small bottle of lube, the same one he had with him at the shack, you know, as one typically does when  _ not _ expecting someone to swing on by for sex. It was running low despite not seeing much use other than during those rare moments where he could have a quick wank during battle when no BLUs were coming in through his line of sight for a while and he had some time to kill before he’d need to find a better spot.

With a squeeze of the bottle, the cool, clear liquid inside squirted out and coated the entirety of his member. It started by plopping onto the tip and flowing down the shaft like a river delta, before pooling into a puddle in the middle crease of a just as impressively sized scrotum as the equipment it was attached to. Scout bit his bottom lip as he watched the lube dribble down, thinking that it looked quite a lot like drool and momentarily wishing it was. Sniper sucked in a breath through his teeth from the cold sensation, not as much of a fan of it as Scout was.

"Gaagh, oi hate how chilly that always feels. You'd think I'd get used to it eventually but nope. Guess that's one o' the drawbacks of livin' in the Outback where it's always hot."

"Then dat'll just make ya extra glad ta slide into somethin' nice 'n warm, eh?"

"Heh, cheeky today aren't we? Oh, that reminds me, still gotta do somethin' quick to prepare you. Is there still anything left in that bottle?"

“Yeah, why? What, what else do we possibly have to do to stall this?” Scout asked irritatedly and handed him the bottle back.

“Patience is a virtue, kid.” Sniper grunted and gave the bottle a softer squeeze, pouring a small amount of the stuff over two fingers. “Just gotta stretch you out first.”

“Ey don’t call me a kid, I'm 23 for God’s sa-  _ nngh!”  _ Scout’s protest was cut off by the slick finger probing at and stretching him open.   
  
“Huh, guess we can go with two already.” Another finger was added, aiding in spreading him as much as needed. Which turned out to not have been as necessary as he initially thought, much to his approval. “Looks loik oi’ve loosened ye up enough already.” Sniper observed and pulled his fingers out, wiping them on the bedsheet and no longer caring how dirty they got or would get. He sat up to lean towards Scout’s ear and whispered something vulgar enough in a deep, gravelly tone to send tingles down his spine.

_ “Think that moight’ve ‘ad anything t’ do wit me poundin’ yer arse to dust up in me favorite shack while anybody else could’ve seen just how much steam the two of us had to blow off?” _

“P… Probably?” Scout squeaked, aching to get on with it already. “So are we finally doin’ this thing or what?”

“Yep. Whenever you’re ready. Just take it slow an’ steady, and oi promise it’ll feel good. Maybe even better than last time.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ about! Let’s test that theory.” 

With that, he lifted his hips up on powerful legs that weren’t as worn out as anybody else without his level of endurance would be. He hovered above his waiting prize just high enough to feel something hot and fat pressing firmly against his entrance.  _ “Alright, let’s do this thing.”  _ He thought to himself as he started gently lowering himself. “Oh lord, you were r-right…” He murmured hoarsely, eyes nearly rolling all the way back and voice getting more high-pitched as he took the first couple of inches. Muscles within the rings of tight flesh in his ass he didn’t even know were there ached in a mix of pain and pleasure. 

“I didn’t even feel the burn last time, but now that I'm not rushing,  _ yep, I definitely feel it now…!” _

It slid in even easier than before despite also being rougher and halfway through, he lost his momentum and slipped. The other half slipped in smooth as butter and he could’ve sworn he heard a popping noise. He opened his mouth to scream but all that came out was a brief croak that got caught in his throat. The abrupt spike in pressure made a jet of piss shoot from the head of his cock and land on Sniper’s chest with a splatter. The latter didn’t seem to mind even a tiny bit, in fact it only made him smile even wider and bounce his hips up slightly.

“Dammit what da ‘ell was dat?!” Scout covered his face in shame upon realizing he’d just pissed himself a little bit. In front of someone else while he was supposed to be in control, no less.

“I ain’t no expert, but oi think the answer is piss.”

“No I know  _ dat,  _ but-”

“Hey, hey, no need to fret. It happens to th’ best of us. It’s happened t’ me before too. And not gonna lie, it’s bloody hot when it happens. So if ye wanna keep ahold of those reins,  _ well ye better take ‘em in hand before I do.”  _ Sniper growled huskily, hand back to groping the hot flesh of his cheeks while they dealt with the hot flesh throbbing all the way inside.

That was all the encouragement Scout needed to snap out of it and finally get the main course underway. He lifted his hips nearly all the way, only leaving the tip inside of him which threatened to slip out. Before it could, he slammed back down halfway, knocking the wind from his chest. The man under him let out a heavy gasp, eyes widened and entirely focused on the boy practically using him as his own living toy. The lazy roll of his hips was soon joined by light upward thrusts, the two of them working together to form a single bond connected by white-hot pleasure.

"Yeaaahhh, that's it…" Sniper drawled, head pressing into the pillow while his other head pressed against hot, slick walls inside Scout. "So much betta than a stupid plastic dildo, roight?"

"Uhh… what? I never used one of those things, never could buy one either." Scout sank down to the root and paused. "The last thing I'd need is for one 'a tha otha guys getting the mail and finding a giant plastic dick with mah name on it! I'd nevah hear da end of it!"

"Oh. Oi kinda just assumed that ye already had one. So not only am I yer first, but I'm the one that popped yer cherry?"

“Yeah, pretty… pretty much-  _ huh?”  _ Scout felt hands move to grip his hips and pull him up before slamming him back down, getting a squeak out of him each time.

“Shouldn’t ‘ave stopped there, luv. Oi’m takin’ these reins back if you ain’t gonna use ‘em.” True to his word, Sniper seized control and bucked up, soon creating his own rhythm of hard thrusts.

From that point forward, everything they did was done with reckless abandon. There was no more gentleness, nor was there any attempt to keep quiet or not rock the camper van. Spy nearly got bounced off the side of the van from how much it was moving, his cloak momentarily glitching and turning him into a red-colored silhouette. Thankfully, the two that were causing it were too deep in the moment to notice him or hear the startled  _ "oof!"  _ that had escaped his lips. They were more focused on the unabashed grunts and howls escaping their own lips, wet from thick drool spilling over them. The air in the little space stunk of all the different smells of sex. Despite the salty smell of sweat stinging their eyes and the buttery popcorn smell of piss thick enough to taste, all that they took the time to notice were the pheromones released from them acting on primal urges, which only spurred them on further.

While at first Scout tried to continue the fight for dominance, convinced he wouldn't go down so easily, his efforts were for naught when a particularly sensitive spot he didn't even know he had was roughly pressed against. He doubled forward and let out a shrill cry of both shock and pleasure, and embarrassment when he realized it was louder than he thought he was capable of being.

_ "What da hell did ya do?!"  _ He cried out hoarsely, regretting stopping and wishing for it to happen again. “Whateva it was, it was  _ amazing…” _

"I think I just found yer sweet spot." Sniper replied with a chuckle and an air of pride for his achievement. "Surely you've heard o' the prostate, roight?"

"...Nnnnnot really…" Scout trailed off, racking his brain to try to at least use context clues to figure out what the marksman was getting at. "Is it the g-spot? In case ya haven't noticed, I'm not a girl."

"Ye said the same thing when oi was toyin' wit these." Sniper rubbed his thumb over the hardened nipples on Scout's heaving and fluttering chest, the little moan leaving it sending a pang to his balls. "And believe me, I've definitely noticed. You wouldn't be in here otherwise." His hawklike eyes drifted down to zero in on the young man's very visible erection, admiring the sight with a small smirk.

"Ya gonna answer the question or are ya just gonna be a smartass 'n blueball the both 'a us?" Scout groused. "I'm not in the mood for getting blueballed again so soon, by the way."

"So soon? Are you implying that you'd be in the mood for it some other time?"

"Now hold on a second here, there's gonna be another time?"

"Well oi dunno 'bout that. Guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Anyway, yeh, pretty much a g-spot but for men, and it's tucked away in yer arse."

"I'm glad at least one of us paid attention during health class then. And how the fuck can people expect queers ta  _ not  _ do what they do when they've got that?!"

"Oh moi sexual education wos pretty much nonsexistent durin' health class, back in the bush ye had to learn from wot yer friends told you. And they learned from watching sheep  _ and sometimes rams  _ go at it." Sniper cheekily added the part about rams in a hushed whisper. "And hell if oi know, society is fuckin' weird. That's why I never fit in anywhere, normal's too weird fer me."

"And they told you about the prostate thing?"

"Nah. I learned that from a trip to Bangkok. Hoo boy, them ladyboys sure were somethin’ else, lemme tell yeh!” Sniper punctuated the statement with a weary whistle as he recalled that encounter during one of the contracts he took back when he was more of an independent hitman rather than a RED mercenary.

“Ladyboys?” Scout cocked his head to the side.

“...How about we just continue?”   
  
“Good idea. Jeez, for a guy that barely ever talks otherwise you sure are chatty durin’ sex.” Scout remarked. Yep, for once it was him that was annoyed by someone else talking too much, rather than the other way around. His annoyance went away the second his prostate was brushed up against once again, and another warbly moan spilled out of his throat.

They continued without a word being uttered, any further discussions in the form of needy sounds. Sniper sat up to control both of their movements better, hands keeping their grip on Scout’s hips to pull him up and down. Scout’s hands tightly clutched to Sniper’s hairy arms to keep himself from falling over or fainting from the overstimulating intensity. They both had their heads tucked into the crook of each other’s necks. Sniper had to resist the urge to give him another bite, afraid he might lose himself and make the result too obviously visible. Or worse, make him bleed.

Everything seemed to be going the way they expected it to, until one deep thrust pushed just right for them both. The sensation of being filled up was unlike anything else Scout ever experienced, and despite it making his stomach feeling a little weird it also turned him on enough to send him over to his limit. In the midst of his orgasm, Scout shouted something Sniper never expected to hear.

_ “Nnraagh- DADDY!”  _ Scout belted out without realizing it, entire body tensed up as he shot a total of five spurts. Two of them landed on Sniper’s face, one dangling from his chin and the other hanging over the bridge of his nose. The other three all landed close together on his chest.

Both the hunter and the voyeuristic Frenchman were taken aback, shock written all over their faces. The former wore off from the shock quicker than the latter did, now taking the time to laugh about it. The latter always felt disgust and contempt for the bushman, but now those feelings increased tenfold. He questioned why he even bothered staying this long, and why he was still there, only just now realizing how creepy he was being by watching his own son romping around. Made even worse by the bulge in his pinstripe pants, though he knew for sure that was due to the Sniper’s presence, which lessened the blow a little bit. As much as he had a strong dislike for him, Sniper was indeed a handsome fellow in his own way. And he was a little jealous of how lucky he got in the size department, though he would never admit that.

Sure it was in his nature to eavesdrop on others whenever he got the chance, but he knew he crossed a line somewhere. He resolved to only stick around to see if Sniper would really hold true to his promise of letting Scout sleep inside. He wouldn’t expect him to do so thanks to his bias towards the bushman, but he’d only know if he stuck around. Of course he wouldn’t approve of their affair either way, but at least he’d have a good reason to chew Sniper out for being an asshole if he didn’t keep that promise. And if he did, well, then at least Scout would know who makes for a good partner for a one night stand.

He’d probably still chew them both out the next morning anyway, and if he had to explain how he knew then all he’d have to say was that he was walking by the van and caught them in the act. It was technically true, after all. Or he’d at least just yell at Sniper, Spy would have to decide later.

Back to the inside of the van, Scout and Sniper pulled away from each other, collapsing onto the mattress next to each other. They were equally sweaty, sticky and out of breath, trying not to choke on the hot, humid air they’d created together. Cum leaked and soaked into the bedding, the opaque white obvious in contrast to the darkened puddle of piss that was now dry but still obviously there. Oh well, it wouldn’t be their problem until the morning so they might as well sleep on it.

Scout was the first to speak. “Holy mother of God… can’t believe I just lost my virginity today  _ and  _ followed it up with another session on the same day…  _ and I can’t even brag about it to everyone!”  _ He pouted, frowning and trying to appear serious even as his no-longer-virgin hole leaked warm, gooey spooge.

“You can brag about it to me if ye loik. Sure is surprising that you managed to achieve such a feat. Especially the first part.”

That only made Scout pout more with a more pronounced frown. “Ah shaddup, I’m not about ta take shit from a piss drinker.”

“Then neither am I. Nor am I gonna take shit from someone that shouts ‘daddy’ when they splooge.”

“I-” Scout’s face reddened, burning with embarrassment when he finally realized what it was he had said before. He tended to be a little hard of hearing when in the middle of riding out an orgasm, as he learned from that time he forgot to muffle his face with his pillow and both Soldier and Engie broke down the door to his room because they thought he was getting attacked. Or in Soldier’s words, because  _ “there was screaming and [he] didn’t cause it” _ , and he hadn’t realized that they were there until he’d been spent.

“So… how is it that with moi luck, after going so long without the touch of a man, oi end up wit someone as freaky as you twice in a day? Not that I’m complainin’, quite the opposite in fact.”   
  
The frown on Scout’s face turned upside down. “Does dat mean I rocked yer world again?”

“That’s one way to put it, oi s’ppose. Seems more like oi rocked yours, though.”

“Hah, I  _ knew  _ it! I am a total  _ sex bomb!”  _ Scout bragged, taking up Sniper’s offer. “I gotta getcha ta listen to dat song to celebrate! It’s a Tom Jones song, you’ll like it.”

“Hmm. Sure, but not roight now. Roight now, it’s time fer bed, it’s way past both of our bedtimes.”

“I’m not a kid, I don’t have a set bedtime.” Scout rolled his eyes.

“Then I’m givin’ you one an’ it’s now. Get yerself tucked in and remember wot we gotta do tomorrow.”

“I can stay here, right? Base is locked fer the night, like I said.”

“‘Course ye can. Oi made a promise, ye drongo. ‘Sides, how else are you gonna help me wash everythin’ and then shower the rest o’ the evidence off before anyone sees?”

“Oh yeah. Hey uh, again… thanks pally. And I’m sorry fer callin’ you a crocodile humper, you know I was just joking right?”

“No worries, oi’ve been called worse before and can take a lil’ flack. Now sleep. And no cuddlin’, don’t get any funny ideas.”

“Aww, why not?”   
  
“Because oi don’t want to be touched if it ain’t durin’ sex, that’s why.”

“Why?”   
  
“Because that’s how it is. I don’t like being touched.”

“Can we at least touch backs while we sleep?”   
  
Sniper growled and prepared to say no again, but something within him made him sigh and give into the request instead. Maybe it was because the sex had been good enough to warrant at least that. Maybe he wanted to conserve enough heat to remind him of Australia. Maybe he decided that even he needed a little bit of love out here in the middle of nowhere, constantly killing and getting killed for a living. Maybe it was all of the above.

“...Fine.”

They shuffled into a comfortable position to lie down in and pulled the wooly blanket over themselves. Scout was hogging it, but Sniper was too tired to pay any mind. Admittedly, them being back to back was rather comfortable, even though he reflexively recoiled at first. Usually when his back was being touched it was bad news, but this felt nice. And a little bit of wholesome bonding wouldn’t kill them, not if nobody knew.

“Just so ye know, the professional side does  _ not  _ approve of this.”

“But do  _ you  _ approve of this?”

Sniper hummed in thought. “Yes. Yes I do.”

“Does that mean we’ll do it again after all?” Scout asked hopefully.

“Maybe. Don’t know, ‘cos it ain’t professional to sleep wit co-workers. Probably ain’t professional to throw piss at people either, though. So, we’ll ‘ave to see.”

“Good enough fer me. And throwing piss at people is definitely not professional. Anyway, g’night, Snipes.”

“Night, roo.” He didn’t mind the nicknames as much anymore, but he wouldn’t say he was a fan of them either.

The lamp was clicked off, plunging the van into darkness save for the moonlight cast through the window. They closed their eyes and let their exhaustion lull them into a good sleep, wandering off into dreamland. Turns out they both snored very loudly, but by the time either of them started snoring they were too deeply asleep to notice it. It was a peaceful night from then on, the only sound other than snoring being Spy quietly decloaking and stalking off back into the base. The locks RED used would be no trouble for him to pick to get back in at all, even with how tired he was.

_ “At least there’s one redeeming quality about that dingo.”  _ Spy thought to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if anybody will actually answer this question, but I'll try my luck. So, I've got a couple of different fic ideas waiting around that I would like to do, but I'm not entirely sure which one I want to work on next. Currently the options are between:  
> -A RED Soldier/Demo drunk sex scenario that would probably be more vanilla than my usual work (but with some scrumpy buttchugging/a liquor enema, so maybe not)  
> -A RED Heavy/Medic/Spy threesome in which Spy's abilities to easily outfox just about anyone to the point of rivaling Medic's own smarts leads to wanting to one-up him in the bedroom, with some assistance from everyone's favorite heavy weapons specalist  
> -A BLU Scout/Engineer daddy dom type of scenario in which I might try to prove that it is indeed possible to write a TF2 watersports fic without getting Sniper involved in any way. That is only a maybe though.
> 
> I'll decide which idea to start next soon enough even without any answers, but yeah I'm definitely open for suggestions and willing to discuss them if anybody is so inclined so I'll just throw it out here. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this sequel and I bid you adieu.


End file.
